Reflections

When writing this the first time around...

If you've made it this far, let me apologize for the style in which this is written. Or, more appropriately, the lack thereof. I got home pretty late last night, and that damn jet lag is hitting pretty hard, but I was afraid that if I waited until I felt more like myself, I would procrastinate and this would end up like my travelogue from my last trip to Moldova. Which none of you ever received.

I don't think I really managed to convey what the wedding was like, and part of that is because I am too tired to choose the correct words or to break out of a "then... then... then..." narrative. And I'm sure I forgot a lot of important details, or even events. Like the doves. Part of it is probably because I was so tired and jet lagged during most of it, I don't remember everything. I'm stuck on words like "beautiful," which don't say anything. But let me put it this way: if I ever get married, I probably won't have pop musicians and I probably won't have a nine hour party and I probably won't get registered in a faux palace and I probably won't have my picture taken in front of a war memorial. But I probably won't have such an open outpouring of love and community, either. And if there were such a thing as a choice I could make between my wedding and Rodica's, I would take Rodica's without hesitation. I, too, would have my grandmother stand up and wish me many children without a trace of irony. I, too, would drink from glasses tied together by a long white ribbon and kiss every time people called for it and blush when people tucked money into my kerchief after the undressing of the bride. I, too, would drink three times from the wine glass with a crown above me. And I, too, might feel as though I were truly married for the rest of my life. I know that's not who I am, or who my family is, or who my community is. And I know that if I tried, it would be a parody of everything about Rodica's wedding that made it so special. And I know that I may very well never find anyone I want to marry. But truly, truly, it was beautiful.

Thanks.